No winter in Florida

There are no seasons in Florida, not really.

I miss winter most of all.
There is a calculated beauty in tree branches shorn of leaves and a quiet simplicity in the shades of gray found in the sky. The bracing North wind wakes one up more surely than the strongest coffee, and often is just as bitter.
Winter never lets us forget our mortality. When snow blankets the ground and ice wraps the world in delicate crystal, winter also reminds us of surreal moments of near perfection in life.
Winter is my favorite season. I really wish I could see it and feel it down here.

21 years

Reblogged from Leigh Said ...:

Twenty-one years ago today, my grandmother, Dollie Lewis McLean died in Rex Hospital in Raleigh, NC, after a prolonged illness. We were at the hospital with her day in and out for 7 1/2 weeks before she died. Even now I can remember every detail of the room and all the indignities she suffered during that time.

My grandmother was an extraordinary woman.

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Today was a long day. I spent a lot of time reminiscing about my childhood. It makes me wonder where all the time has gone. I realized today that the safest and most secure I ever felt in life was during the time I spent at my grandmother's knee. A look or a word from her could ease my heart or put the fear of God into me. She never had to raise her voice or raise her hand to get my attention. I am her namesake and I have a lot work ahead of me to even be able to fill one of her shoes. LR

21 years

Twenty-one years ago today, my grandmother, Dollie Lewis McLean died in Rex Hospital in Raleigh, NC, after a prolonged illness. We were at the hospital with her day in and out for 7 1/2 weeks before she died. Even now I can remember every detail of the room and all the indignities she suffered during that time.

My grandmother was an extraordinary woman. When I was born she was 64 years old. Now 64 seems young, but in 1969, well, it was considered old. My grandmother had no car. She walked to the store and toted her groceries back in her arms. She had a washing machine but chose to wash all of her clothes in the sink or the bathtub. This included curtains, sheets, blankets, bedspreads- all by hand, and all hung out on the line to dry whether it was hot or whether it was so cold the sheets froze on the line as she hung them up. She always worked doing something. She cut her own grass any time she could get a chance until my mama and uncle finally put a stop to it. She was strong and dependable. There aren’t any women I know left that are like her.

I was blessed to grow up with her. She kept me while mama worked and I got to stay with her on weekends too numerous to count. When she had a bad stroke she came to live with us and I had the honor of helping her the way she’d helped me all those years. We had lots of time together and she has had such an impact on my life. I think about her everyday and I constantly find myself wondering how she would handle this or take care of that. I wonder what she would think about my life. I wonder what she would think about my children. Most of all I wonder if she had any idea how much I loved her then and still love her to this day.

She was beautiful, inside and outside. Not many people fill that bill today. I am so grateful for the time I had with her. She taught me so much. She taught me to love to cook and bake, how to clean (although I am still a slacker), and how to take care of people-those common everyday things you catch on to as you’re growing up. She also taught me dignity, quiet strength, kindness, and the power of solitude. I am blessed by the time I had with her in my life.

Thank you, MeeMaw. I love you.

 

New Spray Paint Pieces on Canvas

New Spray Paint Pieces on Canvas.

These are gorgeous. Just sayin’.

 

OKAY! Enough Already!

There. That’s better. Maybe.

Do you ever just feel like screaming with frustration? I was out earlier today running an errand and some idiot speeds up, crosses two lanes of traffic, tries to clip me, and then slams on brakes and turns left in front of me. Before that, a telemarketer called and refused to accept a polite, “I’m not interested.” and continued on until I was forced to hang up. And first thing this morning I was dealing with an automated operator. I guess you get my point. Those kinds of things make me absolutely batty, but today, I thought about my reaction to those types of everyday frustrations and asked myself why did I allow a temporary situation blacken my outlook so deeply.

Was it worth yelling at the other driver, that one that was oblivious to my existence? Think about it, it’s the same driver that passed  the huge green hulk of an SUV I drive and didn’t realize it was there. The driver might have other issues going on that distracted him. It’s not right, but seriously, who am I to judge? How many times do you think another driver has felt the same way about my driving?

What about that telemarketer? In a perfect world, they’d be trying to sell me something I actually wanted (nice change, eh?), but the world isn’t perfect. That person has to make a living, and cold calls can’t be easy. I know I don’t want his or her job, although, I do wish the individual would take a hint. Everyone has to make a living some way or another, right?

The automated operator? Well, I’m not sure there’s hope for those, but there is this nifty website called Get Human which will help you find numbers for a lot of different companies that will actually allow you to reach real, live people. I can’t guarantee that they will speak good English, but it will be a warm body at the end of the line instead of a computer trying to decipher your accent.

What are your pet peeves and what do you do to make them less irritating? I’m interested in knowing. I need all the helpful tools I can get.

As for me, I’m going to make a serious effort to be more patient and less irritable over these kinds of issues. Life is short and there’s no sense wasting time out of my life being aggravated over petty issues. I’d rather focus that energy elsewhere.

I miss you, Little Brother…

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From the time I was born until I was twelve, I believed I was the youngest of the three daughters born to my mother. I knew I was adopted, but I had no idea that the woman I thought was my sister was really my mother, or that the two little hellions I loved with all my heart and believed were my nephews were in reality my little brothers. I don’t remember being surprised. I only remember being happy. I had always wanted brothers, and suddenly I had two; Billy and Jon.

I didn’t get to live with my brothers growing up. They lived in Wilmington and I lived in Erwin, but we went to see them and they came to see us a lot. We were really close. We would go to the arcade or down to the boardwalk at Carolina Beach when we went to see them. When they came to see us they’d hang out with me and my friends. Even though I was a little older than they were, we always enjoyed having them around.

As we got older Billy and I became much closer. I can honestly say he was my best friend and I loved him with my whole heart. We became adults together, and our late teens to early thirties took us through good times and bad. There were a lot of times when Billy lived with us. He was always there for a hug for the kids or me. It never mattered what time it was or what kind of crisis was occurring, he was right there having my back when I needed him. I wish I could find the words to express how much he meant to me as a brother, as a friend, as an uncle to my children, but I can’t. There are no words to show the depth of the bond I had with him.

There were also times we disagreed on things. Nothing in life is perfect, but disagreements never lasted long and they never affected our bond.

On November 5, 2008, I got a phone call from our mother saying he was dead. I didn’t believe her. There was no way I could. Even seeing him didn’t make my heart believe it, but it was true. Four years later, it still feels like I should be able to pick up the phone and hear his voice on the other end, but of course, I can’t. He’s gone. At least from this Earth. He is still in my heart though, and he lives on in my memory every minute of every day. Always.

The last words we said to each other were, “I love you, Sis” and “I love you, Bro.”

If I could say one last thing he could hear though, it would be I miss you, Little Brother. I love you with all my heart. Always.

My first post

Hello everyone or should I say anyone?

First post for me in a new blog. I want to try it and see how it feels before I commit to anything. Committing time for me lately has proven to be a dangerous activity, so I figured, I’ll start small and see what happens.  What I would like to do here is to share things I find interesting and expand on them and give people a chance to decide if they enjoy it. I have a lot of eclectic interests, so be prepared for the boring to the outright wacky.

I’m supposed to be a computer guru of sorts, but bear with me while I figure this WordPress thing out. Ask me to break down a laptop or complete a state transition diagram and it’s all good. Ask me to hop in here and start a blog, well, it’s new ground and bound to be entertaining if nothing else. I guarantee at some point I will do something idiotic and it will be all grades of amusing.

Just a few brief things you may or may not want to know about me:

I have two awesome kids, Rebekah (18) and Lukas (14).

I’m a year away from a BSIT with a triple concentration of Network Management, Software Systems Engineering, and Security.

I love to cook.

I’ve been married to the same guy almost 20 years now (AND he’s still alive!).

I love True Blood, The Newsroom, The Vampire Diaries (yea, I know it’s supposed to be for teenagers but whatever), NCIS, Criminal Minds, Game of Thrones, The Closer (sadly I miss Brenda Leigh already), House (I miss Hugh Laurie, too), Haven, and Once Upon a Time. Yes, I know, I’m weird. Just go with it!

I love to read. My favorite authors are: Stephen King, Patricia Cornwell, Edgar Allan Poe, James Patterson, Nicholas Sparks (that one popped out at you), Brett Butler (the comedian, not the baseball player), and numerous other authors I’m currently too lazy to mention. I love mysteries, supernatural tales, non-fiction, fiction, and some biographies. I also love good poetry.

I love classic rock and I love a lot of the new bands out as well. The last concert I went to was the All American Rejects. Before that I went to see Apocalyptica. My daughter keeps me well-schooled on up and coming music. I also like some country. And yes, I love Nickelback. I guess I’m old enough to have earned that! =)

I live in Florida, but I was born and raised in small-town North Carolina. I sure miss home and the people I love back there. I love the Fall and Winter in a profound way that I cannot really explain. Sadly, there is no Fall or Winter here. Just endless green. Sighs. Can’t have it all, right?

Well, I guess this is a pretty good place to stop. I will be thinking about my next post and what might make some worthwhile reading.

L.R.